he walked in on you at the party drunkenly dancing alone on the bed wearing mardi gras beads, sunglasses, and using one ski pole as a microphone.... and you STILL got laid. i dont get your life.
since i'm not going, you must continue my tradition of flashing every person there.
She whispered into my eat that she wanted me to fuck her while her parrot watched...
Speaking of testosterone. I saw a girl with a moustache thicker than one I can grow last night...
I'm sure me singing - rather loudly - "fuck me in the back seat" last night didn't help either.
I'm dealing with this like an adult, cupcakes and beer.
All of her cloths were on our coffee table this morning. The only things she left with last night were her shoes and Scott
I will kick you in all of your body parts. All at once.
Just sucked some sandy dick on a boardwalk & now I'm at a family reunion hbu
My 12 o'clock class is an all star team of my ex's hook ups
there's cocaine on the ipad again........... was your sister here last night?
He blacked out and wouldnt drink anything unless he funneled it, so I made him funnel water
I feel like hooking up with you on my floor, sneaking out my window and jumping a fence is an effort that deserves a happy birthday.
So the same great-aunt that told me to freeze my eggs for procreation just told me that I should strut around the dance floor b/c I'd get picked up.
I need to meet your family.
Wait, I'm confused. I EMPTIED the bottle? as in consumed it? I'm impressed with myself.
Randomize
