thank god random hookups don't end with college. happy birthday, america.
She left me with blue balls so I jerked off on her french toast in the morning.
As we walked into his room, he said welcome to the hurt locker. I should have left, but I love that movie.
I just used celery as a chaser. That's the level of my refrigerator.
just so you know, you can get through airport security with handcuffs no questions asked
Cause i'm hanging over the toilet bowl and thinking about your ball in my mouth is not helping
You hid from a cop under some guy's canoe on his lawn.. It didnt work
While you were hooking up with her I pulled you off to make sure you knew what you were doing.
You said you were "testing the product for Chris."
I'm a bad man.
I ended up at these random girls' house they are smoking weed out of a gun
Do not shit in our house. There is no TP. I am walking to get more, if I do not return, I have probably died of dysentery after my last wagon wheel got stuck in a gulch. Tell Martha and Lou Ann that I love them, and that I passed away doing the Lord's work.
Fuck you, if it wasn't for us going to the city, she would be using me as a human sex toy all day.
So here's my pathetic thought of the day: what does it smell like to be sober?
By the power invested in me i promise you hot wedding sex at my wedding.
No i dont need a babysitter i have my cats. Cats can dial 911 ya know
Baked out of my mind. Went in the bathroom, a daddy long leg spider and a carpenter ant are battling it out on the floor. I brought my computer with some dubstep.
OMG THE ANT WON
Randomize
