yeah, i liked him til i heard he had a sac that could apparently smother my face.
The best thing happened. Some guy was butchering Conway Twitty at karoke and the power went off in the whole bar. And someone shouted "you pissed jesus off when you messed with conway!"
Roller skating + drunkeness + peeing = mess
Yeah, it was all fun and games until I realized that it wasn't my tent, and I had no idea who those people were
Thanks for feeding me more tequila shots to prevent me from trying to fight her last night. Horrible logic? Yes, but you are the best friend ever
She's making her own pesto again. Cooking spaghetti in the microwave and "frying" vegetables in the toaster oven. All this while wearing the yellow rubber gloves and saying that the pesto has feelings like a real person. Im terrified.
If she doesnt understand your inherent need to teabag an emo chick, do you really want to be with her?
But he made me breakfast and understands the fuck sleep fuck sleep necessities
The way I see it, everyone on campus has a fake, but I'm the only person who actually makes beer in their dorm.
This guy smells like mr Rogers puppets and I don't know how to deal with it
Currently siting in the living room naked, staring at one of the girls across the street in her living room naked. This is like the most intense starting contest of all time.
Woke up behind one of the fraternity brothers houses in the grass wearing a guinness hat and aviators hugging a 30 rack box with a zonie on my chest next to a campfire.
I just want to be like i dont know you but ive seen your penis & i like it
I shaved my entire vagina for a man who had the personality of a potato and a C- orgasm. Life is a series of disappointments.
good morning. i just did a walk of shame in front of his grandmother.
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