just woke up and this girl had my cellphone nestled in the front of her thong. i kept thinking "is this a trap?"
Last night I got a napkin with 4 names & numbers: Katie, Ellen, Kylie...and Brandon.
It's not called being bisexual its called making out with anyone that has a mouth
There was a guy running for some position in our government named "young boozer" hell yes I voted for him
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I will fight anything that is not spinning right now
Finals week has gone away, doo dah doo dah, drink martinis naked day oh da doo dah day
my liver gets a handicap on account of the whole being diseased thing
Bring gay.
By that I meant the rum. I just realized that my request made no sense. You always bring gay.
Walked up in time to hear him say "you saw I was in a relationship on facebook? So why are you holding my nuts?" To her. That's loyalty man
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I need to hump something and I know u understand.
I shaved an Xmas tree into my junk.... I placed your present underneath.
Me too like the fact they didn't arrest me wants to send them an edible arrangement
YOUR TO-DO SEX LIST CANNOT CONSIST ENTIRELY OF MY THREE BEST FRIENDS
and their significant others
AND THEIR SIGNIFICANT OTHERS
SpongeBob is life. I once broke up with a guy bc he said SpongeBob was stupid.
So it turns out high me is very efficient. I set 5 alarms to remind me to do things, i made mac and cheese, and i wrote a poem. I'm going places.
Randomize