So I answered the door in my underwear expecting my boyfriend. Instead I opened the door to Mormon missionaries. Do you think that was a sign from God?
just heard 2 nerds making fun of a girl for mispronouncing stochiometry. they followed it up by discussing the mathematical equation for getting laid. my day just became 100x better.
I wish there was some sort of "recently added" function for blackberrys so i could see what random numbers i got from the night before
i jus got home and totaly forgot i had nut all over the back of my shirt
..im mad u rememberd about that
Take this only to mean that we love you, but we're having a serious, half-hour, hypothetical discussion about how far we think we could throw you.
The bartender from Thursday remembered me... And gave me a FLAMING BUCKET of alcohol.
I was just expressing concern for your pickle consumption.
there is literally a full grown man stuck between the radiator and her bed. i thought i kicked him out 20 minutes ago but nope we found him
Some guy just showed up at my door to return my bikini top. EXPLAIN NOW
I've never used poorer judgment in my life. It's mathematically possible that I impregnated 5 women in the past 24 hours since I won the lottery. But I couldn't be happier about it.
Is it rude to ask for an autograph after giving him a blowjob in their hotel's hot tub?
Is this because I accidentally peed on you?
They gave me 4 meds at the health center and said not to take alcohol with any of them. Guess ill wait until tomorrow to feel better.
Last night I actually told him I came with a washer and dryer
We already gave up cheese, how are we supposed to give up coke?
Randomize
