best part he said "i like your tattoo" as he walked into the room, stood right there looking at me, naked on top of his friend
just balanced a champagne glass on my gut. thanks to beer im a living breathing tempur-pedic mattress.
My mom just set up beer pong in the dining room for family game night. and you ask why I'm still living at home.
Some girl at the bar was showing us her chipped tooth as a pick up line.
Ya know, since we do have alot of sex with each other i figure i should wish you a happy valentines day
I think I may have just taught my whole hall how to give a good blow job. So this is college.
I just threw up vodka and hot dogs in a handicapped stall with someone in it who couldn't make me leave because he couldn't walk.
Home-made laxative recipe: activia yogurt and tequila shots. Any ratio ought to work.
He's drinking on a hospital bracelet, the fuck's your excuse?
I'm stuck in a tree and request your assistance ASAP
You owe me beer. On another note, I made out with the ups guy at work today ....
I'm the girl holding the bag of goldfish
LIKE ALL I WANT TO CURE MY HANGOVER IS PORKROLL AND LIKE 85% OF THIS COUNTRY DOESN'T KNOW WHAT IT IS
About to go make a man out of a 24 year old boy
As I shove my ninth taquito of the day into my mouth...
Picking our battles
He is a beautiful butterfly covered in tattoos and naked.
Randomize
