I've done 29 out of the 30 things to do to a naked man according to Cosmo. I don't know if that makes me innovative or slutty.
Genius.
He went soft
Wait. During?
Yeah, he was IN. MY. MOUTH.
Superbowl + Mdma, hope we're on the same page.
he broke up with me while standing outside, half naked, waiting to fuck him. i feel like a leper right about now.
We started a mustache riot at white castle at 4 in the morning. Will explain in detail.
His concept of male bonding is doing lines in adjacent stalls.
I'm not sure if it was sex or spear fishing. He goes in for it like he's crash landing a rocket
I don't think he knows what shame means anymore. He gave some bar slut his sisters Tiffanys necklace, in exchange for anal.
Liver, I have supported you for 18 fucking years. Pull your weight for ONE NIGHT and detoxify this alcohol.
She had a tattoo on her pelvis that said "it's cock-o-clock" an had clocks and hot dogs exploding away from it. I'd like to tell you it was deal breaker buuuuuuut.......
I just used a beer funnel to put gas in my car
I am a good friend because I got you a bagel. I am a bad friend because I ate half of it.
Just introduced myself to a group of people and one dude said "You're Marc!? I've heard many a legend of you." I raised bottle of champagne, said cheers, and drank with them.
I woke up at 2 AM to find them in my living room with a radio flyer wagon full of milk glass plates and a Holstein cow. How am I going to explain this to my landlord!?!
just had an allergic reaction to my dildo. My life is ruined.
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