I'm so bored and have no one to sexy text
exactly what part of this weekend seemed like a good idea?
I just wanted to say sorry for trying to jack off your dog last night.
Dude its so hot it my room I can't jack off. Its gonna be a long summer.
We're doing a case race on Saturday.
I'm in. I'm currently drinking a beer in the bathtub so I guess I can consider this "practice" and not just "alcoholism"
I'm slowing backing away from her. I tried breaking up with her and it felt like I was clubbing baby seals.
I'm too tired to go all the way tonight, especially if you're going to quote Katy Perry at me during
Just saw him riding in a basket on the front of a bike trying to feed the other guy beer. He screamed 'PARTY BIKE BITCHES!' at me as they rode past.
I lied. He's hitting on a drag queen now. Should I rescue him or take pictures?
It was the textbook our-balls-touched-while-engaged-in-a-threesome-with-our-bosses-wife conversation.
It amazes and alarms me I'm not shocked to read that.
I am making pancakes and watching Spongebob Squarepants. My life is a waste of youth.
The sad thing is; I'm getting used to walking around feeling like I could hurl at any minute.
there's a photo set of like seven dicks covered in glitter....i don't know what to do
I donkey kicked that mother fucker. Never stood a chance.
It was a door. A completely inanimate object, of course it didn't stand a chance you idiot.
The only reason I know his name is because we wrote marriage vows in orange crayon on the back of a Walmart receipt.
I dunno what's worse, that one guy here said he'd blow somebody for Tim Horton's right now, or that someone else looks like they want to test his sincerity.
Come get me, I'm fucking scared.
Randomize
