a creepy fucking ass man came up and started raven cawwing in my ear... he said it was the raven mating call. i am officially freaked out
Oh so it was one of those "I shouldn't have gotten in a cab with a random 21 year old girl" kinda nights.
You promised me a handle of vodka if I took home her ugly friend. Thanks to law class I took for the 2nd time I know that's a unilateral contract asshole
I have officially had sex in every room on my floor. Don't say I'm not an amazing RA.
Woke up to a break up text for a facebook relationship I didn't even know I was in... 2012 is going to be a good year
ive cried into many a lonely burritos..
Having my alarm go off at 3:30 makes me wanna rip my dick off and shove it through my eye socket
I blew him while watching the aristocats. There were singing cats in the background. I think he he hummed along at one point.
And then, I saw the prophecy come to fruition. It was the Dick of Destiny.
Medically speaking as your gynecologist and your girlfriend, that is not a rash.
And we're breaking up
Its okay that he doesn't remember you, he only remembers girls by their boobs and I think you were wearing a jacket
I cannot be with a girl who won't let me come home on my lunch break, eat spicy ranch and watch Breaking Bad without pants on. #lesbianproblems
I found you walking along the street hammered. You walked up said hi and handed me a beer.
He told me he was cooking me a special dinner tonight. His "five star meal" was popcorn in champagne glasses, and chic fil a sauce in jello shot containers to dip the popcorn in. He still tries to convince me he doesn't smoke weed anymore.
We are balling out on levels, I think mikes about to go to jail. something to do with a unicorn and rainbows, the cops are not being reasonable.
Randomize
