I'm laying in your front yard are you home
i just rode the bull and i see vomit in my future.
How do I say to her "Have you eaten mango lately because my penis had an allergic reaction"
Let's face it. We both have sexy parts. Why not have them touch?!
remember that response paper i wrote naked, at 745am still drunk with a naked dude in my bed? yeah, totally got an a- on that. and he loved my insight.
It was beyond pathetic. You yelled her name at every blonde chick we saw hoping it would be her. Then you puked your corn dog
Remember when you tried to pay that stripper to cry on stage?
This hurricane was the perfect excuse to buy 2 pounds of animal crackers and a case of beer. It's on Sandy.
Just dodged a state trooper, your weed will be there shortly. Fear the unbustable!
I miss forts and drugs that made me believe in unicorns...
I spent most of the stoned conversation with my dad proving to him that the Newfoundland is an actual dog and NOT a Snuffaluffagus-esque figment of my stoned imagination, while laughing over the fact there is actually a place caller Dildo, Canada. Have YOU taken time to be a good dad today?
He kept telling me that it stood for Sex Utility Vehicle
All she has to do is text me and my dick gets hard. It doesn't matter what it's about. Last text was about a homeless dude
You're like my little fucked up version of the groundhog seeing its shadow, only it's boobs and warm weather.
My girlfriend is so strong now. Like on the one hand its kind of hot because she can pin me down during sex, but on the other hand she picked me up and carried me bridal style at the company bbq.
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