PS- did you die? If you did just text "dead" to me, so that I know.
he changed my name in his contacts to "rick", so his mom wouldn't know he was texting me
She laid down on my bed and played "I want you to want me" on my laptop. subtle.
Every one of her profile pictures looks like an ad for American Apparel. Of course she has syphilis.
Is it possible to make a milkshake in a martini shaker or am I gonna need a blender?
I woke up from my nap, looked out my window, and saw about bout 6 people get tasered in less than 20 seconds.....could someone please tell me what's going on.
If you're trying to piece together your night, I can tell you where those tassels came from.
Also, at 1:30 I emailed myself saying, "are you there Margaret? It's me, god"
We are winners. And by winners I mean home wrecking sluts
Isn't that what our 20s r for?? Testing the strength of other people's shitty relationships?
Worst walk of shame man. They had a fire drill at 7am, had to walk out of her all girl dorm wearing my Everday I'm Hustling sweater
I was just thinking about our drunk conversation about having sex with elephants the other night. Love you bud. Stay strong.
Your birthday is now over. Your day in the spotlight has dimmed and now you're as special as everyone else. The world goes back to revolving around me. Good night.
This dude has batman tighty whities on over his cargo pants and he has the nerve to yell "fuck you bitch" up at my window.
i just had to ask the gas station attendant what state i was in... winning at life.
im in missouri by the way.
spent the night holding naked strippers up for keg stands and doing endless amounts of body shots. good game 8am final exam.
whats an extra semester when you've already been in college for 6 years?
Randomize
