Got home from the bar at 4am. 100% sober, unlaid. Epic fail or responsible behavior?
Responsible fail?
I found the pot of gold last night, and it was full of bad decisions.
You hooked up with another girl while you were with me. You were literally holding my hand while you did it.
Just ran into that guy that tried to take a dump in your pool
do you actually have a paper bowl full of broken glass and ecstasy or was that just a dream?
He's got a southern drawl and a lisp. I'm getting mindfucked right now.
She trust falled out of a window. It was like that scene from A Little Princess but with a lot more blood.
Dude she said she'd let me snort a line off her ass now I just have to wait for them to break up
Between my sister puke and rallying at the bar and my brother sending a drunk passed out naked pic in which his dick was exposed, I don't know which sibling to be more proud of this weekend.
Scary truckers and hobos. These are the men I attract
I just learned how to imitate a trains smokestack. The downside is it makes you look like you ate cocaine. The upside is YOU LOOK LIKE A TRAIN
dying me prepared for dead me... i woke up with my laptop open to the last snl episode, a bottle of gatorade, advil and a bag of chocolate all next to me
Do you think I could use my teacher of month Award to get free drinks?
Sorry I totally pulled a home invasion on you last night
That was super inconsiderate of me
Honestly, this social distancing bullshit is giving me a good excuse for drinking alone.
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