none of my boyfriends are responding right now, I thought I had enough to avoid this problem
I have to decide between the hot young blond with no apparent gag reflex, and the brunette with a great ass and a trust fund.
I think we should urban dictionary "drive of shame." It involves a sprint to your car in his underwear and shirt, surreptitiously trying to put on your bra on at stoplights without attracting attention from neighboring cars, and lurking in your car a block from home so you can know when your roommate leaves for work.
I want to see you in more than a weed delivering capacity
i lost his rear view mirror, your phone charger, and my lesbian virginity. 21 isn't shaping up too well so far.
New life rule, no banging opera singers. I might be a little deaf now
I think your dick broke my retainer, I normally wouldnt care but my orthodontist died and I don't want my first appt to be blow job broken retainer with a new ortho.
The horniest man in the world doesn't want sex as bad as I want pizza right now.
I almost died today via plastic wrap. I AM THE REASON THEY PUT WARNING LABELS ON THINGS.
We had sex and then I offered him a cookie...while he was still inside of me. Basically he's in love
Herpes is not a lady problem you can solve with shower beers and kissing boys
A person can only vomit Fireball so much before they quit it forever
Foreplay went from me being a bank teller and him a customer to us actually having to go to the bank so we would make rent
in the middle of telling this chick to sober up i was shotgunning beers. im gonna be ab awsome nurse.
drunk me always erases text conversations because she is a woman of mystery and does not like for me to know what's going on in her life
Randomize
