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Would you feel weird if I asked out ___?
You dont call on our son's bday but you want to know if I'll give you permission to date my best friend?
So...no?`
We were busted for public indecency in the back of my car in the parking lot. This time we were just reading my Cosmo magazine.
He said if I stayed the night he'd take me to church in the morning.
Aw lol. Sounds like my masturbation injury last year
We're having a serious conversation and I just responded to something he said with an emoticon. I am so baked.
I'm starting to second guess shaving my vagina over the kitchen sink. The lighting is so much better though.
Fuck that. I'm not afraid to die. I'll prove you can survive on a bagel bites and rum diet.
These fuzzy pants work great for sleeping, taking an exam, getting baked and watching the hobbit. I guess i'm not changing pants for 72 hours.
I don't know man, I have to ask my girlfriend if I can borrow my balls from her purse.
Still breathing?
Still breathing , but quite out of it. I think I hallucinated like 20 action sequences.
What.
he just kept repeating "those were some pretty nipple-y tits" over and over the rest of the night
My mom has had 5 shots of fireball today and she's still functioning normally... She's just extra polite.
Still drunk on my morning "run" which has turned into a walk. Just burped fireball
He tried to eat me out...through my pants.
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