dream priorities were more important than voting today. don't tell me you wouldn't keep going back to sleep to find out who would win a fight between oprah and godzilla
it is entirely possible that the police will be knocking on the door in 25 minutes
juast therw a cheeeeesestirng over the fnce. stuckit to sombodys car winheild... gonna luagh if i find it mlted in the mrning.
So my mom wants me to come swim with dolphins with my little sisters in October. I'm not sure how to tell her I saw a "when dolphins attack" special when I was rolling and am now terrified of them.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
There is a really great story behind the missing Coco Puffs and vodka mystery
No he can't help me find his house he is strapped to a stretcher facing the opposite direction
Btw kudos to your tongue last night. Sorry about that lady jizz in your beard.
It's truly amazing how much porn I can get in while my phones at 1% battery life.
if becoming an adult is chugging a bottle of wine in your bed and crying about your stresses while your dog watches you, sign me up
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm drunk doing an ab workout. I can only hope I make it to bed tonight.
I woke up with "To whom it may concern" sharpied on my dick
Self reach around competition is what the Olympics has been missing all along. A true test of athleticism.
Just remember, the Browns have more wins than Ronda Rousey this year.
Just had a small freak out because I couldn't get my bra unhooked and thought I was gonna be stuck in it forever.
The smell of pee and coconut conditioner still makes me think of him
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