don't go home with that guy from jersey
i know, not worth the blood test
LETS GO REDSKINS!
Quit drinking and watching your DVR, it's wednesday.
the pizza man had no reaction when jackie and me opened the door naked, i guess he's used to that shit
advice for life: when the cop takes your tallboy, don't ask for your coozy back
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He told everyone he was going inside...an hour later we get a knock on the garage door from some dude telling us a guy is passed out on the lawn and we should get him inside because it's about to rain
If people don't want my drunken phone call then TAKE YOUR FUCKING NUMER OFF OF FACEBOOK, like it's just that easy...
In order of importance: Where am I? Where's my car? Where are my clothes? Who is this chick in the room?
Anne's couch, the bar, your car, Anne.
I feel like I have to sign a death waver before I have sex with him...
Everybody shut up a minute, we need to discuss how much nicer the world would be if pants weren't a thing.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
so...the lady doing my pedi totally noticed the human bite marks on my calf. Who says marriage ends your sex life? Love u!
College has done two things for me. Given me the confidence to blow my nose in public and shit in public
You kidnapped her dog. I don't care that you and the dog are epic bros, that's just not cool. Return him.
Next time I take edibles I'm getting chipotle to cater the event
is it sad that the highlight of my saturday night was waiting till 3 in the morning to hear about your saturday night?
You're swimming in an imaginary pool of pudding. What do you think?
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