True or false: I did not bring home a 28 year old last night.
True? Did she teach you things?
She taught me the meaning of awkward goodbyes at 530 am.
Definitely still drunk while signing the 'responsible adult' form at the hospital
Soooo billy mays was on coke. I'm about as shocked as I was when Clay Aiken came out
We need to either start getting drunk more often or one of us need to start doin drugs
Wtf? Why?
I want awesome conversations to show the world.
Just wrote a paper about alcohol abuse that sounded like my weekend...
There are not enough shots in the world for this. We walked in and they shouted "the pilgrims are here!" And then someone handed me a turkey leg the size of my arm.
I hope my orgasm sounds aren't secretly that bad and no one tells me
How does this dude know what a dying walrus sounds like? That's the real question
Well. Turns up no one actually knows who that kid was. Came in, said happy fathers day, chilled for a while, then left.
BURNT NIPPLES ARE UNHAPPY NIPPLES.
It makes no sense at first, you go with it, it's fun and entertaining and then a disaster
Almost stopped showering halfway through to go get food
That last one reminds me of the time we smoked that foot-long joint and by the time we'd finished we were so stoned we applauded it.
I just changed all my morning alarms to wake me up with different Jesse McCartney songs telling me I'm beautiful. Would you believe I'll be 25 this year?
no offense but you looked like shit yesterday
tequila is unforgiving..
I would really like it if you guys got out of my bush
Randomize
