he just said he'd buy the porn
its a step up from the last guy
I'm bringing poparts in case anyone gets hungry. The trek to frat row is strenuous.
How many ice cream sandwiches is an acceptable meal replacement?
2.5
In their defense you were hugging a watermelon for a good portion of the trip
You defs just slept for 6 hours in a porta pottie. You should probably just kill yourself.
Well you know it's going to be an interesting night when the bathroom attendant is doing hail marrys
Yeah, surprised you made it on time this morning. Remarkable, considering 2 hours ago you were pretending to be talking window curtains.
This hurricane was the perfect excuse to buy 2 pounds of animal crackers and a case of beer. It's on Sandy.
Oh my god. A memory of last night just came to me. One of our neighbors joked about Thomas having a big dick and I just kept shaking my head profusely.
I just masturbated and watched youtube makeup videos, which was just an extension of masturbation.
Some crack addled fool from the sketch ass motel behind the restaurant just gave me a flyer for an AA group when I was on my smoke break. I don't do mornings
all i tweeted was "emergency this is not a drill" and he immediately texted me asking if this was a subtle booty call…it was
'valentine' just autocorrected to 'cake robe' in my phone
I think that summarizes my life up pretty accurately
For the record you're an amazing lay and you have great taste in breakfast sandwiches
Yea.. And you'll love me a whole lot more when I start letting my vagina make all the decisions..
Randomize
