it was the worst sex ever in the history of sex. i mean ever. and he thought he was great. actually told me he was the best id ever had...what was i supposed to say? lol...i've had better times by myself. seriously.
Did you know Kal Penn works at the white house? That's almost white castle.
we are cooking lunchables pizzas on a fire pit.
did i by any chance text you anything about feathers last night?
you mean faeutihaers?
He has a really nice penis but its like a model that wasn't built to scale
Okay throwing up in my mouth a little = time to go home
I was talking to another guy at the bar last night and all of a sudden a flying piece of Sausage lands on my boobs. Then I hear my boyfriend yell, "just marking my territory."
Im like a hedgehog. Easy to corner or get within reach, but tough to get right close to. Like a rooster with its feathers surgically replaced with razors
He also wore a doorag last night so i had to swipe left.
My vagina is no longer accepting new clients.
So you broke your ribs while fucking? Dude you just got about 25% hotter.
we didn't have sex though. because i have the will power of an ox.
it's like the easy bake oven version of plastic surgery
We had sex on a couch that was held together by Velcro. Want to know an unsexy sound? Velcro ripping apart under your bare ass.
If a weird guy texts you in the near future asking if you are satan just go with it
Randomize
