I think dad's getting high again. His last google search was "awesome ping pong shit."
Dude, 1 prime defect in the snuggie- you can't fuck someone discreetly under a snuggie. No way no how
Just found my DARE notebook from 6th grade. Extacy was starred and highlighted.
At least I've made one childhood dream come true
I can feel his 12 year old sister"s eyes barreling into my soul everytime I'm at there house..some how she knows I'm cheating on her brother or she's mad cause I stole her shirt.
i've eaten like 19 popsicles... what the fuck have you done today?
Moral of the story is go have sex with a foreigner and report back to me.
So I bring Danny back to the apartment for the first time and my roommate is curled up in the beanbag in the middle of the floor, wearing nothing but her uggs, high out of her mind and watching Harry potter... She offered us kettle corn.
He asked if he could come over tomorrow....
I woke up without my clothes on covered up with a towel on the floor because for some reason I took a bath in my clothes at 2am.
When he swipes my v card it will be comparable to my bat mitzvah. should I make sweatshirts or sweatpants?
I hope you get your threesome on vday. I'll probably get flowers and a candlelit dinner. trade you. I wish this guy was more of a slut and had less of a heart. I would like 2 dicks please fuck your flowers!
They had to take me to the ER because I got a concussion in a parking garage. Not partying with lesbians for a while
I dont have to work tomorrow im yelling gibberish at squirrels
I chatted up the pastor's son on Grindr during the service. Still ridiculing my decision to go to church this morning?
I threw your vagina at him like a grenade. And sweet Jesus he caught it like a champ
I danced my ass off after the funeral last night. Kept dropping it low and I can feel it in my legs today. Im like shit I needa go work out
What a way to honor the dead
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