Tell LD happy birthday and party like it's $19.99
Recession joke.
Yea, forget your mom. She will be home after her one night stand.
Ian has mac and cheese all in his bed/on the wall. Either you did it or he fell asleep with a bowl in his hand and spasmed in his sleep.
Cooked or uncooked?
she always made me post sex PB&Js it was like fucking a trashier Martha Stewart
I'm afraid my bank account can't handle syllabus week.
I told him we can only be friends from now on & he said he knows but that I'm the 'best he ever had'.
you slept with him again didn't you
you can't just quote Drake AND compliment me at the same time & receive nothin. he knows me too well
a small fire erupted but we put it out with a can of beer so everything's fine
just lying in bed drinking beer with a straw waiting for motivation. why?
Tid bit for you to add to your "what to expecting when you're expecting to lose your virginity" book... Sex on nyquil is cheaper and BETTER than sex on esctacy AND you sleep like a champ after so you're not able to think about any bad decisions made.
This Pinterest wedding planning is a good distraction. I'm great at this, my imaginary wedding is beautiful
What guy invites over a booty call, gets all naked and then when the real fun begins and a condom is needed, claims to not have one? And wears socks THE entire time?
You know you had a good time when you get the wheelchair treatment in Mexico back to your cruise.
IM TRYING TO SAY GOODNIGHT STOP FOR LIKE FIVE SECONDS WITH THE DICK SUCKING
If he would've shaved his beard when we first broke up, getting over him would've been so much simpler. That asshole.
How did your walk of shame include a trip to Walmart and how did you bump into the cop that arrested you last night there?
Randomize
