i just realized i've been trying to levitate the potatoe chip out of her hand for the past ten minutes. i think i smoked to much.
Im rethinking drunk tuesdays. Also rethinking ovaries.
Hopefully. Play it cool. Bust out a few jokes. Chew with your mouth closed and show your boobs.
Drinking with birthday clown in the backyard shed at a 5 year olds birthday party at 12 in the afternoon. My life doesn't need any adjustments
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I don't think he understands the importance of corndogs. Or condoms for that matter.
Well, I want to see you regardless of whether or not you will lick whipped cream off my body.
All three of them were helicoptering their dicks to persuade me to take my thong off
I can say with 87% certainty that i received one of the world's five greatest blow jobs since the Coolidge administration on Saturday night.
Nothing quite like walking through a spider web on your way back in from smoking to fuck up a perfectly good high.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
What section do you want to sit in? The screaming girls section or the "when you guys were popular I was straight and pretended not to like you guys" section?
I wanna eat mushrooms and cuddle with a million dogs at once. I wanna know what heaven is like
Dude, you ever snap awake on the toilet at work with that panicked, "How long have I been here?!" feeling??
I was trying to sext but got a notification that my dad and professor both commented on my Facebook photo. Bad timing.
I legitimately just had to leave work because I am too hungover. The front office ladies keep making fun of me.
Damn, I just did coke with a dude in a bathroom and after he took his dick out right in front of me and took a piss. What a power move.
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