Only my sister would update her facebook status while going into labor.
i hope whoever thought of bagged wine flip cup last night has the same hangover as me. not ok.
I knew we should have skipped class earlier, my lab partner is drunk from last night and making up his own experiments.
She just sent me videos of her blowing my little bro and my best friend... worst. ex. ever.
I only remembered where urgent care was because it's across the street from my favorite bar
Just found my old bop it. So many drinking game possibilities
You told my mom you were going to "Raw Dawg some randoms." That Drunk.
we're meeting twins and drinking tequila. i love life
HES DOING PULLUPS BE STILL MY BEATING HEART
Don't worry you weren't as drunk as you thought. You only fell 4 times.
Why does your life consist of lesbians, black guys and cats?
I wanna hang out. The cats don't talk back.
I have standards. Maybe not when it comes to men.. but definitely when it comes to sex
Oh, did your mom say anything else about my butt?
You were arrested in a tiara again... maybe you shouldn’t wear one.
Randomize
