You know the guy who poops at a party and then leaves and you go in, do your business, and come out and there are girls outside that think you pooped and no one talks to you? I'm the guy who poops before you go in, because I'm in a relationship and I hate you.
It was my birthday today and i decided that i am not checking my notifications on facebook so ill feel popular
Wrong number and your a loser
i need a new camera phone. my pictures from last night are as blurry as my memories. and neither tell me why i woke up in an airplane hangar.
I just wanted to yell " i am not a shake weight!!"
Don't worry, nothing happened....but we should have a fire extinguisher here.
he built a boat made of joints. holyyy shit
Everyone is hammered wasted already...young, old, the dying, babies...we got them all
she was puking red wine out the car window, telling me about how shes joining weight watchers tomorrow, not okay.
I think we should go through the tsa checkpoint with raging hardons when we go through LAX. I think we should pass out some viagra to everyone
I may have farted on a group of children. It may not have been an accident.
No later than 4:00 ok - I'm tying my viagra high into a superbowl halftime showstopper. Ya, you might wanna look away for that
I want to sit on top of her nipple mountains and reenact the Ricola commercial.
YO I WASNT TRYING TO MAKE A PASS AT YOU.... Or Jesus
I didn't want to fight, I just wanted to tell you to fuckoff.
How drunk were you? in an effort to seduce him, you demonstrated your lap dance skillz on his dog.
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