how could I be having a bad time, I have the three most important things in life: Goat cheese, Xanax, and Saved By the Bell Re-runs.
i an so hammered right now. I'm about to pass out but i just found the lion king dvd and i'm so happy words don't even describe.
I'm gonna name my first kid mufasa regardless if It's a boy or girl
I love how kegs are figured into our monthly bills
Have introduced beer-pong to my work's Tuesday lunches.
Ya but I plan to getting arrested more towards the end of summer
Yeah but I was the kid who ran over your BMW and is banging your 15 year old daughter... There isn't a cool enough dad in the world to make that work.
Do you know what the cost code is for strip clubs? I'm filling out my company expense report right now
after he went down on me he said he wanted an air freshener for his car scented like my vag. i cant even.
I hate to stick you with the friend but I did all the work.
thank you for being a reason not to completely check out of my life and start sleeping all day, crying all night, and living off vodka acquired through credit card debt
Maybe you should stop dating for awhile if the chicks aren't working out. Reacquaint yourself with your hand or something.
I'm so sorry to hear about your grandmother. Also how many grams are in an eighth?
I'm hammerd and his penis is still the size of a giraffe's neck
He just got out of surgery, almost died from shooting him self with an arrow.
i told him the only way i'd fuck him was if he saved me during the zombie apocolypse and took me to a tastefully decorated yet impenetrable hideout.
Randomize
