Its not small because its small, Its small because it was cold outside
well we are all hammered and my parents are reminiscing about all the times they drove us home drunk from Christmas
my co-worker, his best friend who also works with us, an my baby daddy, ive turned love triangle into a retarded shape with to many sides to pronounce
I have 3 texts in my phone that say "Thanks King Tyler". I think I've successfully drank myself into a monarchy.
Just walked into the bar to find a guy in a Boba Fett helmet leaning casually against the wall, texting. This night just got real.
Let me tell you how my drug dealer wants me to take his girlfriends little sister to jr prom
I felt guilty, it was so good!
Guilty? Oh great, I give the Jewish mother-in-law of blowjobs.
I really couldn't care less what she looks like. That's why The Lord Our God gave us doggy-style.
It's like my uterus needs a hug... and anti depressants
Chipotle farts are not good for seducing boys.
When I got home he was in his underpants on the couch, eating pop tarts and crying while watching Voltron.
His eyefucking isn't even normal eyefucking; it's eye anal.
I'm going to get drunk, come back, call my grandma, and eat all those scrambled eggs.
I SHOULD BE TERRIFIED OF HIS DRAGON DICK.
I'll talk to you in a minute. Gotta put my peacocks away
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