whoa...plan B gets you drunker quicker.
He's like the houdini of condoms. I never even realized he put one on before we fucked. he's magical.
four guys that i have slept with have come into my job today. FOUR. i feel like it's like bring your sex partners to work day.
Sorry I never showed up last night. It was between spending time with you and our freinds or having violent multiple orgasims. I chose the low road.
I invented the best game. It's called "what touched my exposed nutsack?" It can range from pillows to toothbrushes
I lull them into a false sense of security with my gayness. Then when they're vulnerable, I strike, like a snake. A big non-gay snake, with huge balls.
I put you to bed and you would not go unless I let you sleep with the vodka
Dude, did you know, your blood is contaminated with over 17 non-beer fluids?
Would you please stop exposing your tits on my couch?
Fuck you, my tits are fabulous
I guess that means I was blowing a nerd last week.
And loving it.
And I'm laying here struggling with the notion that I need to put pants on.
This whole quitting my bad habits all at once is really messing with my ability to function.
I smoked too much. I'm sitting on my balcony and I keep getting lost. Help me
She's asleep in a fisher-price toy car
not being a booty call is very strange. Who knew there was so much time for activities at night!
Randomize
