is that paris hilton dressed up as the guy from star trek who hosts reading rainbow
He IMed me 5 times, before my homepage even loaded. This is not gonna work out for me
I dig being used for consequence free sex. Not consequenceful sex.
She woke up laying on my kitchen floor, ketchup bottle as her pillow, in front of my fridge.
I just want dick. Yours just gets priority because it is glorious
I got lit on fire and andy went to jail last night. Totally unrelated incidents though.
Well at least he is okay. If you call the fetal position in my living room floor "okay"...
There is a 5-year old here fighting 'drunk monkeys'. He tried to knock a drink out of my hand with a plastic light saber...
It was literally 8 o'clock in the morning. His horniness knows no bounds.
Omphalophobia is a real thing. don't ever fucking touch my belly button again dude
I'm too drunk to explain this to you. It's too hard.
She referred to my balls as rotund and handsome
I'm sad about how hungover I'm gonna feel tomorrow.
Why did I wake up naked with a leg cramp and and extra $550 in my wallet?
how do you say “i know we haven’t hung out in a month, but i gave myself an amazing orgasm to your picture the other day” without coming on too strong
Randomize
