Have fun with your cool freestyling girlfriend!
She can rap better than you any day
I just made a moltov cocktail out of lubricant and a christmas bulb. The fire is still going strong. MERRY CHRISTMAS
Found a barbie with nipples. Life is complete.
Dammit. I drunkenly drank all my milk at 6 AM in a misguided stupor to prevent my roommates from stealing my milk.
he just texted me saying he needs a place to stay for the night. pretty sure i just got booty called to my own house...
She was kinda cute. So long as you don't mind neck tattoos and bad life choices.
Ugh I can't even look at alcohol this weekend, my body needs to heal.
I have a rage boner right now. An actual erection brought on by the amount of sheer hatred I have towards nationwide.
Only I could host a baby shower where the cops get called.
You want to know how I feel? I feel like Cady Heron pushed me in front of a bus last night.
I just ordered a "football meatlong" from subway
He was standing in the living room wearing a Donald Trump wig and looking very disappointed
I think I had Hypothermia but was too drunk to notice.
My favorite part was making you pull out your lucky steelers vibrator and show it to jerome bettis at the bar
Wait you took his virginity AND broke his bed doing it
I know! I’m the best!
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