my vagina has a 5:00 shadow
I have so many mobile devices now, I only use my laptop for porn.
You have to understand, this is the first time I'm looking at a whopper sober.
Sketchest drug deal yet.... I just got paid in quarters and chucky chesse tokens. I need to stop hooking my friends up.
Single handedly the worst sex I've ever had just went down. Its like we both laid there after word-less thinking about the other " could they be any worse in bed" ?
You can't find true love with Budweiser and a futon
I wonder what it's like for my roommate to live bicuriously thro my sex life
I know it's early but when you wake up can you please validate my life and tell me I'm not just a drunk idiot.
I would go a lot of places to get laid. But I would NOT go to Staten Island.
I'm experimenting with sincerity
I'll screw just about anything, but I draw the line there
The cops high fived after they tackled you
So I sniffed too hard this morning before work and I THINK THE COCAINE JUST STARTED ROUND 2.
he told me that I'm basically going to be the mom of the house when they move in...i like to see it as being a MILF without the responsibility of real children
Why did you have to tell me he has a hammer cock? Now I can’t stop staring at his pants.
Randomize
