She was so high she ate a little piece of weed off her pants and thought it was food.
apparently 9 shots of absynthe does not take away your skill to walk. i just woke up under a tree in some field on the other side of town with 4 hours missing.
You said you were collecting Asians for your Kate Gosselin costume.
6 other girls and I took an ice cream truck to the bar when we couldn't get a cab. Best birthday ever.
I'm gagging in the liquor aisle just thinking about how much alcohol I'll be drinking this weekend.
The girl who overdosed in the bathroom at work is back....help?
I have a plus one for the Blackout Express, should I pen in your name?
You bit the bartender when he refused to poor rum in your purse and hand you a straw.
Better than road-head. Just got model-home-head. Also got a disapproving scowl of judgment from the realtor on the way out.
In the middle of me riding him, he stopped me and said "You're the kind of person who would be restrained for being obnoxiously drunk on an airplane, huh?"
When the vodka monkeys are playing a drum solo in my skull tomorrow, remind me I tried to sterilize my body from the inside with titos
Lost my pants last night. Really need to stop taking shots of whiskey like I'm eating skittles.
Dear god my vagina.
oh what is to come when my single life starts with a threesome?
Can’t. It’s taco and dick night.
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