He walked in and put an x made out of tape on the floor. He then announced that he was going to pass out there. Cocky or strategic?
I need to hang out with girls who make more mistakes
She even gives head with a lisp.
If I won't even leave the house for sex tonight. I definetly not going out for anything else.
Also, last night I had a dream that I was in a victoria's secret fashion show and they made me wear a t-shirt over my lingerie. Spring dieting begins now.
I just test ran being their maid. I'm getting 50 bucks a month and they're buying the costume.
i am way too old to be getting fingered at work
Whiskey shot with bacon bits, our version of Goldschlager WE ARE TRYIN IT.
what the fuck is a social media consultant, who does she consult for, and how bad is she at it? her facebook account is currently hacked and posting ads for the ipad 2 on my newsfeed
I wish there was an emoji to express our Eskimo Brothership
Is it a coincidence that the reminder on my phone to take my birth control is "I'm ready to party" from Bridesmaids?
So like, boobs.
are you really going to start every conversation like that?
You guys I wore sweatpants to work today because I simply forgot to put on real pants and I had a weed brownie and a juice box for breakfast. I am not ready for parenting.
found my cat trying to steal a lighter to hide away for himself. cat what are you doing. don't pocket my lighter.
he was wearing pj pants, thank you for not letting me go home with him
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