I dont like him- his parents were home and he hid me in his closet like anne frank
Bridesmaid dress fitting. I look like a Weeble and Michelle looks like Malibu Barbie. I have to keep reminding myself that she has herpes so really, the playing field is more level than it might initially seem.
And when I look at him, I just want him to say "I love you" in between deep thrusts and hard grunts.
I know I'm really high but I swear I just saw him beating off to his fantasy football roster.
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So currently I have a block of cheese duct taped to my air conditioner in lieu of a fridge.
Breakfast tacos?
YOU ARE A FOUNTAIN OF GREAT IDEAS
Did you leave your blow razor here? I need it for crafts.
You have to keep an eye on her tonight cause you know how she likes to pickpocket people when she's drunk.
Found out last night that "Everclear" is Spanish for "shit got weird"...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
WHO JUST REMOVED THAT SAME BOARD IN TWO MINUTES FLAT WITH NO INJURIES, SHOES, SOCKS, OR BRA?! THIS BITCH. CRACKIN A BEER FOR DA SHOWA. BITCHES AIN'T SHIT MOTHAFUCKA
He did leave his bud tall boy and 2 choco tacos, so not a total loss.
He's like... An octopus that touches my vagina in all these diff ways at the right times. It's almost unsettling
I smell like cowboy sweat. I got two lap dances. This is the best day of my life!
DICK-CITY HERE WE COME
So, I woke up under a table with an alarm clock on my face, my hair in a bag of popcorn, and my phone charger wrapped around me.. what happened?
Randomize