I mean I can't believe yesterday ended w/ your house getting firebombed. What an unexpected turn of events
it really sends the message that i like to impregnate mortal women and have them birth fantastic half man-half god infants.
you were the first one he came out to and you announced it as the finale while singing karaoke at the bar
Balls are wasted. Waste are ballsted. Ballsd wasted
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hes wearing the same tie today that i tied him up with last night.i wanna go home
He is like a dragon that makes me want to spread my butt cheeks, so he can fill me with hot fire.
Definitely just found that pen in the microwave. What the fuck.
I have cobwebs on my vagina for halloween. And bats fly out when I open my legs.
8===D
That's the bat signal to come over and fuck me.
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I was carrying around a bottle of Jameson yelling rescue me
Ah. Hot spring. Infinitely less skeevy than a hot tub. These North Carolinian dudes are all class.
I just ate apple sauce in my underwear. This isn't 30. This is 3.
He wants me to fart in his mouth and is offering me SOOOO much coke. I'm stuck between a rock and a hard place. GIVE ME ADVICE.
To be honest, I'm more surprised when you're not high at this point
And it only took a fake engagement ring, a condom and a bowl of weed
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