i wonder what thom yorke's orgasms sound like
just bought a coffee grinder that advertiesed spacious grinding chamber...new nickname for my bedroom?
I woke up under a table, with a huge Mexican sombrero, a box of 120 doughnuts and a bloody nose. It all screams success.
She's thinkin about havin beer pong at her reception... She's walkin a fine line between trashy and the best idea ever
2 things. 1. I just gave her a 6 hour long marathon fucking for America. 2. Thought of a new invention halfway through, and it's flawless.
i wasn't gonna shower then i remembered i slept in my own piss
i just feel like the statute of limitations for admitting i plowed through her car last night was up a couple hours ago
Just did a relay race involving shotgunning beers, cannonballs and riding a blowup whale. Never want to leave vacation.
He told me he doesn't want to fuck anymore because he needs to focus on school. Either he grew a vagina or he's secretly gay, it has to be one of the two.
You know you're a fat kid when you've spent half the day having a twitter conversation with Pizza Hut.
It was at the same house, but a different party, when lesbians set me on fire. So there's that.
I think the best course of action at this point is to cut his balls off to get him to stop reproducing
Damn Instagram explore page. I am six months in to some girl I don't even know.
I swear it’s like he’s filling my soul via my vagina
she brought her phone charger to the bar this bitch is ready to drink
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