I've decided to bang my pen-pal.
dude. she was texting with her nipple. I love touch screen phones!
I made a mac n' cheesicle. Better in my head than in real life. Gonna keep smoking to see if it gets better.
You just kept rubbing her head and repeating "I really like your head, I want your head..." over and over for like 10 minutes straight... And she didnt even stop you.
THEY HAVE A VOMIT TROUGH.
What?
A TROUGH FOR VOMIT.
It seems to me that once you begin comparing Jesus to hercules and calling him a super pimp you should put the wine away...
remind me again why lemons and alcohol in the crock pot is a bad idea?
Leave it to us to have a family reunion in a bar bathroom
Pitchers of shots should be outlawed. I've puked more than i've breathed in the past half hour.
I can wear a rubber suit at three am and spank someone's ass until its sore and fuck them three ways from Sunday. And get up the next day and do their laundry. As long as once in awhile they rub my back without expecting anything
why am i naked
you took off your clothes at the party and some guy took them home
He came over apologized for his lack of sexual skills. Cleaned my kitchen cooked me dinner. And gave me another one minute stand. I think im okay with this
It's official: I now only own one pair of jeans that I haven't blown the crotch out of. It might be time to put a stop to red wine Wednesdays.
You mean, in addition to red wine every-fucking-days?
Let's just face it you're going to have an arrangement with your future wife your fuck me on Thursdays
I think/hope James is drunk. He's standing in the front lawn loudly declaring "I AM a popsicle!" Over and over....
Randomize
