Dude im not sure whos apartment i woke up in but i just showered here and their shampoo in phenomenal
She has 260 profile pics. In 260 she's ugly and in 255, she's making the peace sign with her hands...
stop texting me from phones in the verizon store and pretending to be guys i talked to when i was drunk. its confusing.
And i generally try not to roofie people when I'm in a committed relationship.
i can't decided whether the fact that her nipples are bigger then her palms is a problem or not
My New Years Resolution is to come up with a new resolution monthly. January: decrease my shotgunning consumption speed to 7 seconds or less.
I want nothing more to get stoned and go to your little sisters petting zoo party but I need to have priorities
Oh by the way, john gave me your shirt to return to you when I was at work today. I almost gave him his girlfriends underwear to return to her but figured it would be inappropriate.
The cops raided her house the day before class even started
Those assholes are becoming so efficient
My mouth taste like pussy and my dad noticed. Hahahaha
He just snapchatted me a picture of his cock. The angle makes it look like a freakin skyscraper. Thinking of photoshopping a little monkey on it.
It's gay pride, I'm in my EMT uniform getting more girls than your straight ass ever will..
I bruised my dick hopping over that fence last night
Paycheck hits in 37 minutes and I literally just emptied my handle of Tito's. If that isn't budgeting like a fucking adult, I don't know what is.
I’m also apparently a very socialist drunk now
Instead of a horny one. All I want to fuck is capitalism these days.
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