i can't help myself.. i am just so in love with the kitchen manager.
...he was wearing JNCO shorts.. i'm pretty sure i saw the dragon.
If Jon and Kate can get divorced...how hard can it be for me?
I seriously just washed my dick in a public restroom. That's how dirty last night got
She finally woke up and said, "Me- nothing, potato peeler- 1." And rolled back over.
21 Ladies Confess The Grossest Things They Do When No One’s Around
All I know is I had a penis in one hand a bottle of wine in the other
What type of outfit says "I know you slept with my boyfriend before and are also way skinnier than me, but I look better...somehow"
When they arrested me, they gave me a bracelet with my mugshot and info. When you get one they can be our BFF Bracelets.
3pm strippers are depressing
I must have drunkenly masturbated really loud last night, cause my roommate and his wife wont look at me
23 Tweets I Thought Were Really Funny When I Was Drunk Yesterday
Just for the record its a bit awkward when you introduced me to your friends at your house as your brother and then insisted in front of them that I sleep in your bed with you
Made out with a mannequin all morning in cpr training, so im ready to party
Unless he's under 18, in which case you put him back where you found him this instant.
You need to finger her with the Spock hand sign since she loves Star Trek.
I can't believe we broke the fucking lamp.
*i* can't believe believe we broke the lamp fucking.
I forgot wine drunk hurts