I'm so drunk I cant read cursive anymore.
umm..so Dad's wearing a thong, I don't know what to do
put a dollar in it?
He told me they were just razor bumps!
nothing says happy new years better than a black eye from shooting yourself with a champagne bottle
29 “I’m Getting Old” Moments
bitch got booty called while we were making out. and then she actually left.
some gay kid said he wanted to blow him because "his eyebrows told a story"
I just woke up in his house on his bathroom floor with an IV in my arm.
Even the bar was yelling boobs, so of course the shirt came off
I woke up this morning with a wristband and I thought I went to the hospital last night I actually went ice skating instead
19 Worst Song Lyrics of All Time
Only the gays. Guy gives me a handjob in the steam, then changes next to me under his towel
Only the gays
somehow this turned into a costume party you have to get here now with my banana suit or I'm wearing my birthday suit
The alcohol just runs so smoothly thru my veins.
hell or highwater he WILL get a blowjob in the hammock before the end of summer.
I'm trying to be celibate. I'm having me time. I'm eating cake.
So it's official the pockets of my work apron exist solely for the purpose of secretly flipping off asshole customers and not losing my job.