if i were to get pulled over right now, the only thing i would be guilty of is listening to 90's Mariah Carey
I thought she was going to get passionate and throw her on the bed and fuck her, but she just started breaking stuff.
That's the thing about women.
I definitely ripped a mole off of her back in the process
you threw up in thedumpster behind red robin
and kept yelling "DIRTY BIRD"
These 23 Groupies Had The Most Insane Sexual Experiences With Celebs
I'm at a job interview and I smoked a little before I came. I thought it would make me less nervous. Boy was I wrong.
I left a bag of circus animal cookies in my car all day. they melted together into on giant cookie. this could either be the best or worst thing ever
i used baking grease as lip gloss
my mom just called and warned me someone is trying to serve me, i feel like i'm playing an extreme game of hide and go seek these next weeks
Completly hung over at midnight, I knew there was a downside to drinking at 2pm
35 Of The Funniest Things People Said While Banging
apparently i was cut off before i even walked in
Dude he was a used car salesman for his friends' penises. I know I have something here that's right for you!
We have 24 days left before I leave for college and 21 condoms left in the stockpile. Are you up for the challenge?
Cooked breakfast with his mom this morning...I'm like the housewife of one night stands
Only thing exciting about him was his dick.
For the record you're an amazing lay and you have great taste in breakfast sandwiches