I'm surprised I didn't puke tonight
I asked a girl to buy her a drink, she had I have a boyfriend, so I said, well i have a goldfish, she said what? I replied, oh I'm sorry I thought we were talking about shit that doesnt matter.
I have two girls sleeping in my bed naked and I ended up making it to class, what were you saying about staying in on the weekdays?
Last night was epic. Hooked up with Emma Watson, found twenty bucks, and then passed out on my floor.
No you didn't. You drank unbelievable amounts of 151, passed out in someone else's bathroom, and we carried you back to your floor. Nice dreams though.
woke up to an unread text message i sent to myself: "brreakfdast..pork and ice cream."
Just write off about 10000+ brain cells and 6 months of your lifespan.
Sounds like a normal friday night
My time here is complete. I think I have now thrown up in every major degree programs building
Fucking in bar bathrooms doesn't count as "rushing things"
The only monogamous relationship I can keep is with my eyebrow lady...
who has a one night stand on Christmas ? But he's pretty attractive so thumbs up
His face matches his life choices. Both are train wrecks.
I fully support your bad decision but I do not approve of your unironic use of the word yolo
My arms in a cast, how am I supposed to have sex with only one hand?
more importantly I need two hands to eat pie
I don't care that he's really strong. I need him to make me cum not fix my back problems
Probably not. Getting pulled over and puking my guts out on the side of the road in front of the cop and him making fun of me, was not my finest moment. Plus I lost my debit card.
Randomize
