Shark Week may as well be Shark Weed.
Promise me that if I become one of those sad people that facebook pesters you to 'reconnect with' you'll tell me so I can delete mine and save myself the humiliation?
were you wearing a green and blue thong last night?
yes! wait why?
because i found it in my pocket this morning...
He took a banana and in front of everyone showed her how he wanted it done.
i thought they made a 7-hour walmart run, but they were actually in jail.
He gets you donuts, dinner, and booze consistently, who cares if he's cheating
He came into the hospital yelling "HEY EVERYBODY! REMEMBER ME?"
when you wake up try not to move. we are betting to see if more sprinkles stuck to you or the pong table.
well it got awkwardly quiet so i looked up, slapped his stomach, said "youre the best!" while pointing at him, and went right back to sucking his dick.
Is it really bad that my last patient offered to fuck my brains out if I gave her IV morphine...and I gave her my phone number and told her when my shift is over?
Never let a one night stand shower at your place. My razor, lotion, and brush disappeared. #girlcode
Cheers to being single today. There's an entire box of franzia with my name on it.
So we were in bed when his brother walks in, walks over to me, fist bumps me and says he just wanted to say hi, then leaves...so random lmao
My blue shorts are now brown from all the stripper fake tan
It's best not to have your booty call on social media. So if they post stupid shit, you still want to fuck them.
Randomize
