weed, chlorine, and victory. my bed smells like i had sex with michael phelps.
He nailed 50 frozen hamburgers to the ceiling last night. Now there are flies every where.
she keeps giving me cups of everbeer.. its everclear and beer mixed. i guess its blackout or backout time
Apparently it's ok to apply for building permits drunk. I feel like there definitely is a law preventing that.
Well, when he's back from China he's probably gonna be pissed I used the spare key he gave me to prove to everyone I'm fucking an NBA player. We took all his booze too.
The heart of my unhappiness in my job is that it's not a place where coworkers and I can draw dicks on everything to amuse each other
and everyone will high five me and girls will approach me offering blowjobs
He lit a candle for the mood and ended up lighting my hair on fire while we were hooking up...moodkiller
But what I'm actually thinking about is how everyone except me had sex on my bed this weekend and now I'm just sleeping in it with a 7 foot tall blue panda
Who the fuck watches Jessica jones and thinks I need to call a past fling?
I'm so bored I talked to the Bible guys for 30 minutes.
I offered them beer last time they came here bahaha
After you punched me you ran away and it took an hour to find you... On the wrong floor... Sitting alone saying "it doesnt make sense"
Bleach your asshole, I'm on my way.
Who is this?!?!
Ok fell asleep on a bus in south Carolina just woke up in Canada where the hell is the liquor store from here?!
Highlight of the day: got a bunch of drunks to sing baby shark.
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