I'm currently googling how to make a dress out of a trash bag. It's going to be a great night.
Don't feel obligated to get back to me but I think I just fell in love with a middle aged waitress at the Dennys in waco. She's used but in good condition.
Guess which guy you've blown just made me sandwich at subway?
Facebook stalking a girl from Germany is harder then you think.you have to copy and paste all this shit into freetranslations.com then try and piece together an awkward sentence. If only I could put this energy into something productive.
still in the ER. she tried to shotgun a bottle of corona
Oh they knew you from a bachelorette party! You were the pole?
Ohhh shit yeah that was me. Fuck. I hate myself when I do that.
He asked her to marry him and she said yes. There is NO WAY she knows about his penchant for wearing lingerie.
You helped blow my nose... Ok it's safe to say we are on a new level of relationship..
Walking down the street, Bro bumping to 'still' by dre. Dropped his trash on the ground and aggressively sped up when his light turned green. If you still had love for the streets you wouldn't of fucking littered. Took everything for me not to yell at him. I know you would've.
His Instagram is like a gay porn blog all of the sudden got conquered by the Mormon missionary that he is
I thought one was bad but really there are two woman stupid enough to marry our brother...unreal
I just threw up in front of a bunch of parents/prospective students while they were on a campus tour..awesome..
Have you ever realized how weird it is to think that you've fucked someone and don't know what their handwriting looks like?
Never. No amount of alcohol could convince my brain and eye sight that it is okay to fuck him. I'd rather fuck my cousin.
You do realize it’s only a matter of time before I have a bad day and come home with an alpaca?
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