i got us presents. or arrested. we shall see!
There were slices of bread pasted to the wall with peanut butter this morning. I don't want to know
He gave me an orgasm before we even reached 2nd base, everything he did in high school is irrelevant.
It's ok that you're screwing someone else while trying to get back with me, I'm banging three girls while I ignore you.
Bro, the freshmen are smoking in the park again, do you need ammo for ur paintball gun?
i took four shots of tequila, threw my fist up in the air, then went around the party showing everyone how to do the ninja turtle handshake. that's the last thing I remember
Pro: Drunk Portland Strip Club. Con: Monday morning hangover at work. Pro: boobs. Con: Sleep deprivation. The Pro's are winning.
I would agree. Add some coffee to the booze. It will cut down on sleep deprivation.
Good. Need a drinking partner later. FOR AMERICA!!!
That was years ago. And it was chlamydia.
I just need some of your time and all of your body.
I got wine drunk and bought a hedgehog
You really need to stop getting injured so often it's really starting to negatively impact my sex life. Oh and get well soon. . . no seriously though hurry the fuck up.
-367$ and a torn scrotum.. Panama wins
I know he’s married, but he’s still a guy with balls and a dick. He noticed my cleavage and stared at my ass. He’ll call.
He cut off part of his middle finger playing the knife game while singing The Knife Game Song at the top of his lungs. He also scream like a girl when his finger hit the floor and he realized he fucked up.
Randomize
