cab driver gave us mini bottles of jd for the ride home & proceeded to run every red light. wonder how many bottles he drank.
Do you know how hard it is to conceal the fact that you puked all over the bed that someone is sleeping in?
the girl i fucked last night woke up this morning, disoriented and looked at me, and said "oh, you're hot." and went back to sleep.
He tried to make eye contact, he should know by now that freaks me out
she said we were using the spray butter as air freshener
Is there a technical name for reverse cowgirl? I'm trying to maintain a little dignity with my mother here
this is getting really bad. i thought the chandelier in the dining room was one of those claws from the claw games in an arcade and i spent the past five minutes jumping left to right so the claw wouldn't grab me
Being home sucks. I haven't drank in like a week. Or smoked cigs. Or done drugs. Or had sex. My body is shutting down.
Omg. It's like you're one of those deprived kids living in a third world country. We need to save you.
He asked if I could ever take him seriously, I told him I just like his doggy style.....needless to say I snuck out after an awkward cuddle session... I wont be calling him at 2 am anymore.
So why are your hands bright blue and have you seen my roommate.
Both questions will answer each other.
I'll be honest, this year's Vegas trip will be nothing short of disappointing if there's no repeat of the angry ménage a trios in a closet.
I guess you could say that.. I mean, we did walk in on our DD doing a keg stand thru her ass.
Bruh. He just said the words "cyber sex"-is it 1999?
Apparently swingers are magnetically drawn to me?
You need a new phone. When you talk it sounds like the teacher from Peanuts while she's trying to give a blowjob.
Randomize
