Done. Eyebrows are waxed, entire body shaved
last night i used 411 to try and contact britney spears.
dollar well spent
Im too awkward for one night stands. I need to hire someone to come clear them out of my bed before I wake up.
Definitely just saw a grown man at wal mart wearing high heels and carrying a baby
What the fuck were you doing at wal mart?
Hooking up with one of the deadbeat dads from Teen Mom does not qualify as banging a celebrity.
She fell asleep on the sidewalk and people starting using her as a hurdle
Well, i'm not sure how that works so i wish both you and your vagina luck on your voyage.
it's ok. he made up for it by standing there and holding my purse while i made out with three guys at the bar. it was a pretty good night.
I'm buying you potatoes, the least you could do is not ask any fucking questions and just say thank you.
I just really need to get the matching flask to go with my pill box. Is this another step towards rock bottom?
how exactly do you say, "i only agreed to meet you for breakfast because i thought we could go to your place and fuck afterwards."
HOW IS IT EARTHLY POSSIBLE TO DO THAT MUCH DAMAGE WITH JUST MY THUMBS?? HOW???
I was chasing pulls of fireball with bites of a bagel and yelling at people to take tequila shots with me. I shouldn't be allowed to go out alone.
Jenn from HR called him the new office boy toy. I think I need to bathe in bleach.
Would the comment "Down Goes Frasier" be too inappropriate at this time?
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