Yeah, it was perfect until the end. Apparently women are super attracted to me until the sleeping with part.
you ended the night by relentlessly sucking on my hips bone and hand demanding milk. you said it was because you were a tiger
i just realized how high i was when i was screaming red light challenge at the top of my lungs and am watching it alone
It was laundry day and I was wearing last xmas undies. he took one look and went...you's a ho, ho, ho. my response you ask? for less dough, dough, dough. I'm a slut.
with a sacreligious after taste.
Def drinking wine from a 4 liter jug at 11 am. If i call you in 20 years talking about 12 steps, please trace is back to this moment.
i walked in and you were spoon feeding your sister grape juice out of a tupperware.
Down at Ground Zero right now. So many people here. It's the most patriotic game of grabass Ive ever seen.
I'm sorry I tried putting my balls in your cup holder.
So not only did you shoot down my invitation and prob walked past my house but now ur excluding me from a wet t shirt contest which btw i totally would have won
Druken naked yoga : jus another ploy to keep your husbands eye in check
My favorite part was screaming to all my life by kc and jojo and just horribly failing
I woke up this morning half naked, smelling like an ash tray, with an empty bottle of jack next to me, and now someone named Dora the anal explorer is texting me.
I woke up in my tom cruise outfit with my house key tied to my thong....
I swear she is the Mary Poppins of drugs
You tried to chase every shot with a blueberry.
Randomize
