she's leaving w me bro, I've been buying her mad shots. She's seen my apt. So locked down.
I'll start drinking again when I know where I am
It was the single greastest thing to happen to my dick ever
I think need to divide my DVD collection into "movies I've seen" and "movies I've only seen during sex"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
so all the bums hang out by my new store, they have a leader we call king bum... He got dethroned by police today for choking out a hooker. The bum heirarchy is in shambles right now.
For once I'd like to have a Taco Sunday without having some random drunk chick flee my house half naked and in tears.
Someone just bought me a one liter long island and call me maybe is on. I'm going to die
BECKY! ITS ANDY FROM LAST NIGHT WITH THE PILL
Andy, Sorry you have the wrong number. But good luck with Becky!
I may or may not have just hot boxed a backhoe on the construction site of a police station that's being rebuilt..
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Last night he ate BBQ Pringles out of my boobs...I feel like it was moderately productive
I'm pretty sure his cum gave me swimmer's ear.
I miss my bedroom and my bed and being able to spray myself with my choice of 15 different perfumes so I don't have to wake up to the smell of my past sins
Change the sheets & put your dick in the dishwasher. I'll see you in an hour.
Can you get the dildos out of the shower before the maids come?
I brought coffee but not enough for the naked guy on your porch
Randomize