For Halloween this year I'm gonna go as Angelina from Jersey Shore. I'm gonna yell "umm HELLO?!," cockblock someone, then leave the party early
just credit carded her and her mom at the same time... that drunk. get on my level
just asked if they'd gift wrap go-go taquitos for you at 7-eleven
She said I walked up to the McDonalds counter and ordered just a cup full of pickles then proceeded to offer some to everyone in the place.
I already have one guy that I have regrettable sex with. I don't need another.
Apparently he's taking the slut he cheated on me with on a cruise for her birthday. THAT COULD HAVE BEEN ME. TITANTIC STYLE.
If you hear a sad honk in the wind it is me.
I just dried my bra with your hair straightener because the drier is broken again.
Oh my god and he smells like heaven wrapped in a beard of knowledge
Tell him you want to lick his face. Didn't work for me but might turn out better for you idk
we had sex in his office so i figured it was appropriate to like his company's page on facebook
It’s 830 am and the amount of Valentine’s Day snaps I’ve already seen makes me either want to vom, drink a bottle of wine, or buy chocolate
1000% No lie I was just looking on insta and was thinking about taking a bottle of wine to the face..
i got drunk and started dancing with the plant because you were out of town
What part of the grouping of the words "anal beads" confuses you?
I woke up alone, naked in her bed staring at a lifesize poster of edward cullen,actually I'm lying I did have socks on
Randomize
