I need to talk to you about an important matter involving lesbians.
i think i may have caused an international incident at the french embassy, just fyi
hahaha how?
its a long story involving a horse trailer and some shrubbery
Just found a hole in my wall with your left shoe in it.
WHO JUST REMOVED THAT SAME BOARD IN TWO MINUTES FLAT WITH NO INJURIES, SHOES, SOCKS, OR BRA?! THIS BITCH. CRACKIN A BEER FOR DA SHOWA. BITCHES AIN'T SHIT MOTHAFUCKA
I'm supposed to be maturing, but no instead I'll be shitting my pants in Delaware for my 30th.
Hahahaha nah you won't shit your pants - but you will fully try mushrooms.
I came to the conclusion that Tinder and having the day off are not good for my relationship.
I'd rather have snapchat than feelings.
She said "we just have chemistry" ... I wanted to say "no, you just have a vagina."
Can you bring me some underwear? I feel uncomfortable going underwear less at a Remembrance Day ceremony.
"We drove to the deserted part of the parking lot, and that's where we blew each other. It was so romantic."
We were in bed, and he looked at me and asked if I'd be weirded out if he took his leg off. BEST.SEX.EVER.
Step 1: Buy a house Step 2: Turn bedroom into sex dungeon
it's like the easy bake oven version of plastic surgery
he told me he had a gf and in the very next sentence asked if I wanted to have sex.
Today I saw someone riding a horse on the sidewalk by aldi when I went to walmart. Old town road was playing on the radio. It was perfect.
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