just prayed to lady gaga in hopes it will help me pass my fashion merchandising final...what is my life?
I am so getting Plan B when we get home. Not getting knocked up by a dude with a hair piece.
Bring your kids so they can distract our kids so we can drink beer in peace.
you threatened to puke on the table cause they didnt serve eggs Benedict
No room in fridge, chilling wine in snow. Do NOT let the dog pee on it.
does it count as a threesome if she tried to blow the dude who was passed out next to us?
after we had sex he told me his original plan was to have sex with my roommate but his buddy likes her so i was backup
I'm kind of concerned that there are now two different videos of me with knives
he called us the olsen twins. we also rapped ignition much to his dismay.
yes i am an adult who snuck out of my parents house to cuddle with a guy and then came home and listened to taylor swift. judge me all you want.
My new hangover cure is going for a haircut, just so the stylists give me a scalp massage during the shampoo.
That certainly explains the nine times your hair has looked different just this last month alone.
The golf course isn't that incognito for sex.
"I wonder if vinegar is some sort of magical hangover cure" "...no I was definitely still drunk and drinking vinegar because I was thirsty"
Were you seriously humming twinkle twinkle little star while cupping my balls?
I just quoted part of the Pokemon theme song in a sext... And it worked
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