ad ew i am wasted whats my problem
either we just had an earthquake or I am really good @ masturbating
you're like a bully in the Christmas story
this text is just filler to avoid a lull in the conversation
So i guess i slapped the girl sitting next to me leg and said "You know what they say, got fat legs...you gotta fat BOX"
Can I sell my birth control in a yard sale?
I promise a much better performance tomorrow than last night my penis has a bed time
I got asked if I was pregnant as a pickup line
he just gave me a love letter in polish. he thinks i speak polish. I DONT SPEAK POLISH
I get hit on by the prison guards every time i go to see him. Seriously.
Oh that's what I forgot last night.. To make out with her.
I HAVENT SEEN A PENIS IN 5 WEEKS I REFUSE TO REMAIN CALM
Ok I'm drunk as fuck already at 529 and this waitress started flirting with me, I wanna bang her for acknowledging my existence
He took me out to dinner to tell me we had to stop fucking so randomly
Honestly wish he pleased me as much as queso does
I blacked out and when I woke up and looked at the counter.. there was a full cake upside down. I dont even understand ...
Randomize
