I printed and framed a picture of a seagull shitting, and hung it in my house. I'm waiting to see how long it takes everyone to notice.
She does have a great personality.
Yeah, in her vagina.
ever had your bank call you to verify the 4 seperate bar transactions from the night before? I have
we talked about european history as he fucked me from behind in the shower... i think it was a success
I mean, I know going to rehab probably didn't make her a lesbian, but I can always hope
I mean how do you tell a nurse in the ER that you dislocated your knee giving a blowjob to your boyfriend.
Very innocently.
I want him to rain dance my fallopian tubes.
I think the solution to your phobia is an open relationship with your dildo. about the same responsibility as a pet rock
In your drunken glory you promised me, tongue, 12 naked pics, and 1,800 breakfasts.
Could you imagine living in a city where bartenders are available by 1:30 AM
I'd have like 4 kids by now and at least one std
I found your dog. Now we are bros, so he is staying. Don't call, don't make it weird.
They put me in room 420 every time and I take bubble baths and smoke in the room and they bring food TO MY BED
I'm not even 100% sure what it is, but if it involves Thor and Doritos, I'm in
After she got off the phone with her mom she sprinted down the block screaming "I'M SO GOOD AT BEING A HUMAN!!!!!!!!!!!!!"
Um..... I have taste. The only thing I am going to bedazzle is my vagina.
Randomize
