my last 3 google searches were anal itchy vagina and ice cubes
I just snorted a line of adderall through a rolled up business card for the Michigan Law Admissions Office.... Tell me I'm not motivated
There was a lot going on. It was easy to miss a 70 foot tall puppet.
I got arrested for "public intoxication". Fuckers threw me out of the bar into public... i mean shit they have thirsty Thursdays. And I get thrown out for self serve Sundays plus a citation.
I was pissed last night bc this girl didn't want to have sex but offered to reimburse me for the condoms. That just made me upset
you stumbled up the stairs in your heels, pulled 23 one-dollar bills out of your bra and then went and puked in the toilet. didnt say a single thing to me the whole time
The realization of how permanent those tattoos really were set in this morning... I am SO sorry.
I'll be so proud. Like a proud mama bear freeing my slut cub into the wild.
I never thought that it would get to the point where I would have to specify that by "hang out" I meant "fuck like rabbits." Growing up shouldn't be this way.
You have no idea how pumped I am. I literally plan on dying. You're in my will
Rick two cubicles down puked and that triggered three others puking into their trash cans as well. The janitorial staff hates it when we go drinking on a work night.
Did i tell you that he's legal and i got his number? Because he's legal and i got his number. THIS BITCH AIN'T GOING TO JAIL YET
Settled one third of the tab. Am going back for sex. Love you, make friends
On my way to return shoes I bought so that I can afford to buy a pregnancy test. Is this adulthood?
Guy just walked in with a 40 and a Honda steering wheel. Where the fuck am I?
Randomize
