Wow so 15 missed calls, a vm AND a text saying come downstairs? ...And where is downstairs? Explain.
upper decked the toilet at the restaurant that wouldn't let me pee there yesterday
He fucked my earring out of my ear. Of course he's coming over again.
She tied me up with her honor cords...
Do you remember using the heel of your shoe as a shish kabob stick? You offered me some chicken, but I declined.
My little brother just suggested we drink the rest of the vodka because it's raining. My job is complete.
The realization of how permanent those tattoos really were set in this morning... I am SO sorry.
If you've never been pounded by an Eastern European body builder, I would highly recommend it.
The profile of her ass is just unreal. Weird way to use profile I know, but never more accurate
Vodka and cigarettes aside, my body is a temple.
Just wiped the ashes off my forehead before he came over to have sex. Definitely going to hell.
After we finished, she peed a little on my chest and told me she was "marking her territory". I didn't know if I should have been scared or aroused.
When dealing with embarassing medical issues, don't you want your brother's wife to be the one fishing around up your ass?
HAPPY BIRTHDAY I ATE TOO MUCH OF AN EDIBLE AND TOLD MY BARISTA I LOVED HER
He said "I can't believe I had sex with a cat lady". Am I flattered or is this a new low?
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