My roomate just said the he would "tap dat" to the 13 out of control girl on maury. Im finding a new place in the morning.
She took off her pants and it was like seeing an old friend.
you made your own hammock out of a towel and duct tape.
you made sure to tell everyone that the amount of people you had slept with was actually quite low, especially when the size of your breasts was taken into account
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When I try to close my eyes ibwant to puke. Going to the basement to watch pocohantas. That'll keep myeyes open. And puke free.
Drunk walkin through police station. America
He was going down on me as I discovered a spaghetti-O on my boob. Its been a while since I faked it.
I can't tell you what you just drank, that would ruin the point of Mystery Monday.
Why did my little sister call me from your phone this morning?
Things like this can't be explained over text man
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I think i'm going to homewreck at this Disney on Ice show.
You rinsed the beer pong ball off in my White Russian
I literally have anal toys soaking in the bathroom sink and dinner on the stove. If that doesn't scream "domestic goddess", I don't know what the fuck does.
We ate sushi in a hospital bed, then fucked in a bathroom while I wore a gown. Pretty sure she's the one
This woman at the blackjack table is sitting on a pile of newspaper so she can pee at her seat and never miss a hand.
Honestly, this social distancing bullshit is giving me a good excuse for drinking alone.
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