I'm drinking while my friends build sand castles, now I know how my dad used to feel
I just saw on the news, this guy tried to smuggle coke in a bouquet of roses... and to think I used to hate valentines day.
She made out with me for a free sandwich. What makes you think she is NOT up to my standards?
Please tell me this is my four loko that I just woke up in....
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Spent 200 bucks on a stripper for a good night hug. I give up.
I promise a much better performance tomorrow than last night my penis has a bed time
Weirdly I'm doing ok, but I've tested positive for chlamydia, I wanted to let you know
I gave up on alcohol forever for like 2 hours, that's got to be a new record
Also, in the middle of me riding him, he said "I want you to dance on my dick" like I was supposed to know what that means
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I've learned life lessons in Vegas. Mostly, drugs are cheaper than alcohol.
Would it kill us to punctuate. That last text took me 5 min to read
Nothing says "single girl" quite like Pinot Grigio and canned ravioli at 11:30 pm....
Our sub is singing "i believe i can fly" after yelling at the class this whole time and this is really hella weird
I’m a women at a strip club dressed as post Malone
Dude, the T Swift concert might not be so bad after all. Can you say milfs living vicariously through their teenage daughters? Score.
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