update: the house isnt on fire anymore, but he is still pissing on all your stuff.
the house was on fire??
shit I thought I told you.
Driving with balloons in your car is more annoying than that bubble fart that doesn't leave your ass after your previous fart.
just woke up in the beanbag bin at walmart
This pizza tastes like mashed potatoes. HOW HIGH DO YOU THINK I AM?
I'm more impressed with the spaghetti smoothie at the present moment.
You said that my dog would "complete your puzzle" then you got naked and took it behind the bar
Didn't know what to wear so I ripped off my bed sheets and tied myself a toga. "a little hungover" is no way to describe me right now.
Only he would come to a strip club and talk about an internship with Walt Disney during a lap dance.
We got to the hotel at 12AM with nothing but a plastic bag of magnum condoms and lube, while wearing glow sticks. The receptionist handed us a bunch of water bottles and said "These are on us.", not even phased by three dudes about to have a threesome. I love this town.
It's not ok to announce to a group of people playing beer pong that a girl put her finger in your butt last night. I now know this
And he came all over himself. At least he didn't ruin my new lulus.
Actually though that could've been bad.
Guess who just enrolled into online classes at Hogwarts? This gal.
Dude at one point I lost you only to find you sitting in the bushes eating pizza.
You humped everything and cried in an uber.
I used the line "you don't have enough pillows". Then left. Thought you should know.
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