I'm just that much of a man that I can watch Ellen and Oprah back to back and still like girls.
I just gave my patient permission to swallow while pregnant. She was so embarrassed to ask...but her bf was really happy with the answer.
I knew we would be good together when you made me lick jameson off your boob while you screamed along with racks on racks
Jazzercise themed birthday pub crawl. 6 bars in 6 hours.everyone was a hot mess.
Someone fucked up, the stop Kony day is on 4/20,
$200 on plane. $110 on train. $5 per drink on plane. $15 per case on train. Plane 1 hour flight. Train 9 hour excursion. Hmmmmm.
ders ninda duuude pooring goden shots ov glory. I see em an i dont but there hear.
are you attempting voice recognition while drunk again?
I asked for my Beats earbuds back and he sent me a pic of them tied around his penis. Now I miss both my great ear buds and his great dick
Dude. Cvs sells sex toys. And my discount works on them. Game on.
Something about Sunday night screams phone sex
I just soaked a sugar cookie in nail polish remover to clean off my nails because I was too lazy to walk to the bathroom to get a cotton ball. Is this what rock bottom feels like?
You told me to keep you from drinking, but we both know I'm not that kind of friend.
He walked in on me banging his sister and said "you're both old enough to make you own decisions. Carry on"
not ubering you a puppy
Drunk is not a location!
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